Things I've learned so far

1. “Prioritize” takes on a whole new meaning.
2. I am lucky if I get a shower, so if I stink…sorry…
3. You too can be a multitasking genius!
4. I can do almost anything one-handed.
5. I cannot, however, brush my teeth and put my pants on at the same time.
6. A baby can sleep through band practice (which is really loud!).
7. A baby won’t sleep in the dead quiet of 4:30 am.
8. Baby poop is messy.
9. A baby can pee with a diaper on and get everything wet except for the diaper (Houdini urine?).
10. You can bring a baby to boob, but you can’t make him drink…
11. Well-meaning strangers armed to the teeth with unsolicited advice will accost you when you least expect it, usually in the grocery store.
12. These same strangers will ask you 3 times if the baby is a girl, when he is clearly dressed in all blue.
13. There is nothing more attractive than a man with a baby. Just ask all the strange women that approach my husband ooing, awing, and cooing.
14. I can live on 4 hours of non-consecutive sleep.
15. I will cry over spilt breast milk.
16. Everything takes at least twice as long to do and I will invariably be running late no matter how early a start I get.
17. I will do anything to make my son happy (or at least to keep him from screaming).
18. Babies are very flexible. My husband can flip our son around like a pair of nunchucks.
19. The term “Blow out” no longer refers to a sale.
20. A simple smile can erase a whole week of frustration.